My Journey

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Let go and let love

My friend asked me to help him to take care of his puppy while he's away to reservist. But my sis-in-law refused to allow me to bring another puppy home. At the end, my friend said that he might send the puppy to SPCA. I was quite upset and showed unhappy towards my brother while I persuaded him to let me take care of it just for that particular 6days. When my brother saw that I'm angry, he got angry too and just replied me this, " I didn't owe him anything ah!"

Suddenly my brother's words appear to reflect something to me which I've been feeling disappointed with. After giving some thoughts to it, yah..it's true that in fact they have not owe me anything also. It's just that I have certain expectations which I hope to receive from them since they are my "family" and one "spiritual mummy". Christians are never been expected to be perfect too. Finally, I've totally let go of my disappointment..Thanks brother!

I will learn not to place too much expectations on man anymore no matter how much I cherish them.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

The lost sheep

I feel tensed up. Everyone seems a stranger to me..and the new faces..I seem a stranger to them too..change of attitude...

I do miss the fellowship and everyone..but everything seems different now..

Thursday, May 10, 2007

God's Devine Plan

Standing outside the operation theatre praying and interceding..Rem that the more I prayed, the more I felt fearful at one moment, as we were told that the operation lasted only one to two hours but mom had gone in for more than 3 hours, nearly 4 and the nurse told us it was still in process. I couldn't forget that moment..it's scary..Wondering if there's anything happen during the operation..minutes by minutes passed..fear just couldn't leave me..I wanted to msg people to pray, or hoping they could just stand by my side and go through this moment with me..but not even a single people call/msg to find out from me about everything..I felt lonely that moment without anyone's support and standing by my side when I truely need..

Anyway, was really glad the Lord had watched over her through the operation and had made her strong throughout the process. She recovered fast and discharged in less than 7days which she supposed to. The Lord's divine plan really amazed me..After the operation,she was downgraded to B2 ward where there's no air-con and 6pple in the ward. However, God is good. She was stationed at the corner of the ward where there were not much distractions.

On Friday, My sis's colleague (Bai mei) came to visit her in the morning. As she was on her way to leave SGH, she met her churchmate who is a social worker, praying for sick elderly at miracle healing service in lighthouse church. She's there to visit her member, and so coincidently, her member was stationed just rite beside my mom's bed in the same ward. She shared with mom in Hokkien abt Jesus and prayed for her. In the evening, two pastors (one from dialect service who my mom recognised) visited the member beside my mom's bed. They approached and talked to mom and prayed for her again. My mom was quite glad and seemed excited as they were pastors. Next day morning, another brother pastor who used to go around hospital to pray for lighthouse church members came. He prayed over my mom also but without the anoited oil which he used for his members. Everything seemed to happen so coincidently and it amazed me too. One moment my sis n I felt that her salvation was near after this incident. But after she reached home, I saw her giving thanks to the idols in my house and praying to them. :( If all these were really God's divine plan to establsh His purpose, I shall leave everything, every outcome into His hands, but praying that he will work all things for good at the end and his finished work to be done.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Experience in SGH

Yesterday, one of the nurses didn't do a good job when she's trying to do blood transfusion for mom. The team that came seemed to be all trainees. After injecting the medicne into the needle on her left hand, she told mom that the medicine couldn't flow through and had to redo it on the other hand. After poking the needles TWICE on her right hand, the injection still fell through. Her hands were all swollened like a "bao" and mom felt so painful that she shivered badly. Thank God a lady standing beside came in to help. She seemed to have experience with this and mom's hand returned to normal within a short time. I kept praying and after that her pain went off. Everything seemed to be in chaos. Later, another more experienced nurse came to help mom with the injection again on a differnt position and she did it very fast. However, the nurse that hurt my mom previously returned to do the blood transfusion again. This time, she accidentally broke the packet of blood that need for my mom's transfusion. The blood dripped all over the bed. Oh my Tian....! What's the problem..? I was really so put off that I requested to the other trainee for a more skilful nurses to help. We dragged nearly 10pm for the new packet of blood to be ready.

I knew that the nurse didn't mean to make all these chaos and I was mean to tell the nurse off that I wanted to change a MORE EXPERIENCE nurse. I just couldn't accept the hurts that she did on mom cos this mummy of mine is already a worrier but she's being very strong and trying to pull herself through with such condition without being pesismistic. Anyway, I feel that it's the peace of God that's in her and I hope she realised it...

Tonite is the first time that I kiss mom on the forehead. I realised that she's so important to me at that very moment. I do not know how to treasure and appreciate her at times and I do not know how to express my love to her even when I know she mean alot to me. But tonite is the breakthrough to express my love to her.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Disappointment

Can you please stop keep asking me for feedbacks at this period? Keep messaging me to ask for feedbacks and NOTHING else! I'm getting piss off with it. Why can't pple just understand the days that me and family are going through? Do you think I will be able to do/go for all these actitivies? Mother's Day testi / friendship day, SUN's concert...are they really so important? I'm already trying to cope with my work, studies and family matters,house chores while going to and fo in hospital. I'm reaching the peak that can't hold anymore. Do you know how I feel abt it? It seems I've been alone going through all the battles and pple are just too busy with the church activities. I feel so disappointed. Where are you when I need the support?

People always say i'm not open. But when I try to be opened, I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel that pple are listening n sensitive to my heart. And Why do pple keep expect me to take the initiative to share when I'm facing tough times? If you are not doing/feeling good, you would rather pple call you at times instead of you call them, isn't it? We don't have to keep telling or teaching others to be opened, cos pple will be opened when they feel your sincerity, infinite love and care, isn't it? Pple dun care how much u know unless they know how much u care! yes, it's true that Words are not enough at times. What vivien said was rite! - It's just your presence, phone calls, msgs or hugs etc that makes the difference, even if you do not know what to say. Aren't we were taught that actions speak louder than words? With these little things, ones can just feel your support and being by our side..

I know I shouldn't be so self-centered all these while..but suddenly just feel so weak emotionally..

In the hospital, my sis and me are just fighting the battle with the devil everyday. There are so many obstacles whenever we want to reach out to mom, leading her to Jesus. When we feel lost many times, I really wish God will send pple to lead us but there isn't.. What is going on? If the problem is on me, I pray that the lord will convict my heart n change me. But if not, perhaps I've just had to accept that that's the way of the church's or pple's culture? Anyway.. I believe God understands everything and he will still listen to my prayers and He will always be with me and my sis.

Are You A Teacher?

Recently the days were really a struggle for me. Not just family issues, but work! Ming Cheng's behaviour was getting terrible and nowadays, I just couldn't really focus teaching them. He splashed the pail of water that stood outside the office the moment he arrived. After scolding him, he could still laugh and kept laughing all the way through and kicked me on my leg. Later out of no where, he took out a book and placed into a micro-wave in the kitchen. Thank God I was quick enough to turn off the switch, if not I couln't imagine the entire book to burn up..I tried "threaten" him by confiscated his favorite, precious bicycle as was taught by another teacher. However, this only worked on him once and it still didn't stop his silly behaviours. As for Hikari, this princess has been training my patience too. She's really a challenge for me during teaching..There are still so many goals that she has not achieved yet and the teacher-parents conference is comng. :( (sigh..)

I've been feeling so exhaused nowadays whenever I go to work. No matter how hard I tried, I still feel I didn't perform well. In this school, there always seems to have a distance between my colleagues, principal and myself (unlike margaret drive). And I realised my patience with the kids is getting from little to least as days go. It shouldn't be the way as a passionate teacher.. Is it due to my mom's suitation that cause me restless,the trouble-maker kids that cause me tired of managing their behaviour or I've already tired of this job? These three kids are very dear to me. But many times, they really drive me up and made my life difficult that I wanted to give up this job. Sometimes I wonder, actually how much difference have I made in their lives.?

http"//www.teachermovie.com

Was watching this movie clip..kina touched by it..If I were to be such a wise, talented, actively smart and capable person, I really wish to be like Miss Thompson, shine in the market place to make a infinite difference in others' lives. How long can I stay in this line to touch these special kids? It all depends if i can make it.....