I slept the entire morning. I wish I couldn wake up.

Sometimes I am tempted to ask You that why are you so selfish? You created man cos you wanted fellowship. We've never known that we'll fall into sin and then suffering lives in us from then on. Life's isn't easy but if we dun have to live, then it wun be difficult.

Last time, I used to live in the past. I hated myself- everything that's in me. But now I lived in the future. Always comtemplating about my future and live in fear and apprehension. I do not know how to live in the present-TODAY; Live the fullest with your purpose, with joy. If we fail to plan, we plan to fail. But I do not know how to plan, thus I'm daunted every of the "today". I still hate mself- everything, every part of me.

Is easy to encourage others with biblical words but Your words could not move me anymore. It will only touch me a little and bypass me. I want to break down before you and rest in your arms once again but I couldn't. I have nothing to say when come before you during our session. I wish I can weep before you and I'll feel alittle better; whether find it better cos I've assuaged my inner hurts and bitterness or I've found healing from you.

Watching the newborn christians at the salvation call, I reflect myself on the day I allowed you to take over my life. Pastor will always make this statement: your life will be no longer be the same. However, looking at myself, I never really have true joy after then- the joy that's birth truely inside of you, which I think christians should have.

I love serving. I love church. I love cg. I love your pple. But I realised that I served and committed and believed so much in christ in the past, I got nothing at the end. My life is just going on in circular. You have brought me situations upon situations but there's no breakthrough or progress. I see that my path is still led to nowhere. My sister never goes to church but she has been so blessed without seeking it, Even when she chose to give you up and married her hubby. I experienced so much being a committed christians but I found that faith dosn't seem to put me into any place ultermately.

But if you were to ask me have I regretted following you, my answer will stil be no. From the day I'd made my decision for baptism, I never regret - truely from my heart. If you were to ask me hw much have I love you, I couldn't measure how much..but I only know that the blood that's in me is from you ; Just as i am my parents' flesh and blood. The relationship that cannot be denied.

I will still hang on this relationship. But I do not know how to believe and walk on. I pray that there's an explicit direction and answer from you. I'm raged to guess and find my way all by myself. How to let you lead me? I still have to work my way out..Let me see that ur immaculate timing to breakthrough is on the way and in progress.

Just one paper and I couldn't handle it well. I wish I dun have to take to devastate my confidence. I'm not geared up at all. Assuage my fear and remind me that you will lead me to ur plan regardless any circumstances and which path I walk. I really need to walk out of my life.