My Journey

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Realised the saddest thing is that people misunderstood you the way which you have totally no idea of .. It can be really hurt..it's no difference than being accused..No wonder people say PR is difficult yet most important. I realised whether you communicate or don't, open or not open, people can still have misunderstanding abt you. I wonder is there any problem with me or human being are just difficult to understand..

But I guess I felt better now after finally break down this morning..Thanks to that sms that broke this already fragile heart..though it's painful that there's another blow..but at least now something has released.

I have already told myself that I wana live happily. But why it seems living in this world n society, it's difficult to be..

New principal coming tomorrow le, prepare for the worse..Really need to pray alot..so many things to pray- favor, career, job, studies, mae, mother, school / culture / management (colleagues principal parents, students), so many so many..

Monday, January 28, 2008

Feeling pain at heart

I find myself really so Xin Ku every day when I go to work. Why would I involve in such politics for no reasons? Im just neutral but why just people didn't see that? They have conflicts with Jo is their problem ma..These have been getting from bad to worse. There are so many heart issues which I could not understand why am I being drag into it. I can't break the ice which I've been trying. I haven really have the chance to build the relationship with them in the first place..I have done nothing wrong..I wana be the salt of the light. I wana break the ice, break the heart issue..I wana favour... sob..

It's a mistake that principal has placed me n mag to be the Event IC, it creates more misunderstanding. I thought I can make use of this opportunity to step out. But I was wrong.

I really can't understand. Why are we here for in the first place? I thought all of us are serving together for the same purpose n that we should even work together for the best? Why should there have pushing of responsibilities n conflicts about these?

We went to China town as a school just now. Jo was on leave and I was asked to take over her class as well. Thank God for Alex to look after my marcus and Im really glad that Heng Wei didn't act up and was well behave through the outing with the visuals (photos) that I prepared for him. But the entire outing, I kept looking out for jo's pupils and their parents, making sure that they followed my class. Hai Ting's mum was like keep taking pictures on the way n lost her way with us. Then managed to find out that she was with the other group of teachers (evelyn's group) Evelyn asked me how? I also dunnno how cos I can't be asking her to go all the way back and search for me. Then I said can she followed her group then. I never expect that she replied " like that very clever lor.." then kap my phone before I wanted to discuss with her what's best could be done. Im very hurt lei.. Not just becos she kap my phone, but thinking what is this kind of working attitude as a teacher? Just let the parents to follow them only ma, she dun even have to look after the pupil, very difficult meh? We dun work for each other ma, but we work the the pupils, rite so isn't it that we shouldn't be so ji jiao? Ok, then never mind, being thick skin and I tried call back to tell her we meet at mcdonald lo, just dun want to spoil the relationship..then in the midst, I met the parent and wanted to call her to let her know I've found them already but she din reply.

I'm very scare that I couldn't take this kind of culture one of the days and break down. Initially I didn't feel affected but it seems to be getting worse n so obvious to see the favoritism n groups in this school. But as I look back and see how God brought me to this place lei.....Sob..How...Wish all these things will get over soon.. :(

Sunday, January 13, 2008

First Cruise with Mummy n family..

Mummy and my room

waiting with heavy bag

Silly post

Haha..The small boat is here to push our Cruise so that we can be in position to the shore. Hmm..Don't look down on the little. It can do great things wor!

Me at the head of the cruise!

Mummy at the head of the cruise!

Haha..the second version of Tatanic..bleh

Haha..oh my God, mummy on sun glasses!

Hmm..Ho...brother cannot open his eyes. That's the good use of sun glasses.

Yea, loving loving at the pool..

Waha...Mummy at the gym? Amazing!

Wah wah wet! act cute but not cute!

Mummy nice post!

Mummy Driving cruise hehe..

Aha..nothing to play with..

Yea, that's the nice scene.

Bored waiting for food!

Quan Jia Fu

Our star virgo cruise logo

Hmm..when we just board the ship only, this mR handsome take pic with me.

Hehe..now my turn to start the ship to go home!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Step out!

Wana thank God for the opportunity to be the Chinese new Year Event IC. Very thankful for my colleague's help to provide some ideas. It took me quite some time to plan the proposal, and realised that I am not a good organiser. Ha..that is not my strength..Although I've done most of the plannings and written work, I still didn't feel satisfied and fulfillment. My colleague partner is also the one who's afraid to speak in a big group. She asked me to present the proposal during the meeting. Wah, stress! I knew I'm afraid and that's my weakness too. But I told myself n God that I wana breakthrough. I wana step out. I wana change. I dun want to remain where I am. The more I fear, the more I must do it and train myself. Hence, I told my colleague ok, I shall do it..Really so stress.. But I tried not to be so self-conscious and finally I've done my speech! In the midst, I still didn't feel good. Haiz...Im not sure why. I felt inconfidence while presenting cos I think I still keep having this in mind that a junior teacher is sharing what to do for the event to the senior teachers. After the meeting, I asked mag for feedback and she said that I was just soft and gentle. Sigh..I rem I have tried to raise up my voice leh...But I knew my nature character just came out this way at that time..Didn't feel good afterall. I was telling God, with me this kind of character, How to do "big job"?

But Im glad that at least I've stepped out la! Yep! Thanks for the courage and Give God the glory!

Monday, January 7, 2008

Revelation?

I went to Cindy's house for tuition. I tried very hard to recall the address as I only went there twice before the one week break from tuitions. The worse thing was that my HP was flat. In my mind, I was thinking " oh gosh, How am I going to get there and I'm going to be late! As I was cracking my brain cells, hmm..I couldn't rem if I've prayed..I just walked to the bus-interchange wondering which bus should I take, the bus number 157 keep appearing in my mind so strongly. I couldn't explain why this number, or maybe becos my heart just recalled that I took bus 157 that time. I wasn't sure if it was the number but suddenly I just sensed that it seemed HS was leading me. Not that I didn't trust the HS, but becos I wasn't sure, so to play safe, I thought of an idea : to remove and replace my phone batt again to see if I could retrieve Cindy's number and contact her mum. Thank God it works and the mum told me the bus was correct!

Ok, I board the bus finally. But next, I thought to myself : gosh, then what's the blk n unit? aha..I had no answer throughout the journey. Ok, I told myself never mind, I shall see how and this time, I rem I prayed. Amazingly was I didn't feel the anxiety. I alighted at the familiar bus-stop and just head towards the blk which I thought I've rem. But I couldn't find and I walked such a big round near the blks twice. So near yet so far....The routes seemed unfamiliar. I was very tempted to ask the passers-by but in my mind, I was thinking if it's the lord's leading me previously, I should just walk and search to see how he led me. keep walking and searching was just all I did. Suddenly felt the sense of lostness and really totally empty and nothing from the HS. But I kept walking.

Then a revalation came as I analyst and lead this towards my career and life searching which I've been troubled. God is all along standing by my side and leading me actually. Sometimes I feel it, but sometimes not. But he is still there watching. As I keep walking and lean onto the HS despite the unfamiliar routes I heading in the midst, HS will jus somehow make me walk towards my destiny and where I want to head to.

And there later I realised that I've reached Cindy's blk and her door step.